By Murph
    June 11th, 2008 at 12:15 am

hidey ho, people. a ways back i wrote about how the nba was a b/s league, for many reasons, some of which were more serious than others. but there has benn a clous hanging over the "association" for quite some time, one dismissed by partisans of the sport, and that cloud had a name. its name is conspiracy. the conspiracy theorists basically allege the the nba fixes its games to get ratings and max out ad dollars and generate exposure of its stars via letting them get further in the playoffs and being favorable towards them with the officiating. the people who love the nba say its all b/s, that good hitters in baseball get better strike zones, etc etc, and the theorists had nothing but tapes of shoddy officialting and free throw differentials to support them. not anymore. that cloud is full of water and its about to rain.

a former ref who was nabbed for gambling on games he was working has spilled some serious beans. he alleges that the league does indeed mandate to the refs that they allow star players to get favorable treatment, that they influence games in order for certain teams to win, making up calls against teams, to extend playoff series to make more money, that he was not the only ref engaging in this stuff and basically that the entire thing is a sham designed solely to make money for the league and its corporate sponsors. the ref claims that what so many fans are screaming about is basically fraudulent, that the league wants certain outcomes if they are there to be had, by fixing the games if necessary.
Continue reading A Man's Game, Part III…

    By Murph
    April 4th, 2008 at 11:50 am

hello loyal readers. we here at TDL are sports fans, and being sports fans, we often engage in soemthing which would be frowned upon in regular life. we take great delight at the misery and failings of others. people we don't even know personally. we boo them, say nasty things about them, wish injuries upon them, and other such sadistic things.  we do this b/c they whup our favorite teams, or b/c they are part of our favorite team and don't performt he way we want them to, or more importantly, when they abandon out team for more money.

now the dude is a rabid florida panthers fan. he has been caught shaking his moneymaker on the jumbotron at the bankatlantic center more times than i care to recall. he goes crazy while drinking the house chablis over there. its quite funny.  he should and will be happy to know that as of today, his favorite ex-panther, roberto luongo, he of the free agent flight outta town, and the michelin man pads, has failed to carry his team to the playoffs, which in the nhl, is quite sad. and he has done this in a canadian city, so he can look forward to six months of being shat upon by the vancouver media. so sit back and relax, the dude, and google yourself up some links to read all about it. send in your comments on how the guy sucks ass and when they scale the pads down, he'll be letting goals in like paris hilton lets guys into her crease(hockey-sex metaphor…love it !!!!). you have earned yourself this offseason.

    By Murph
    April 2nd, 2008 at 4:16 pm

whatsa goin on, fellow dudes ? if you're like me , you love you some ESPN, the pinnacle of sporting news. not that like that junk on FSN, with the "worst damn sports show", which is total shit by the way. how they get ratings is anybodys guess. ESPN brings you actual sporting news in addition to their self-promoting shows.  i saw a story today that was near and dear to my heart, and i cannot for the life of me understand the outrage that the central figure in this story has sparked.

one of the big stories circulating today was that matt leinart has been photographed at his house partying with some alleged coeds. all the talking heads are going bananas over this saying he needs to "grow up" and be more "responsible" since he's the face of the franchise. yelling at mr. leinart for having a funnel(why they call it a beer bong is beyond me, its a freakin funnel with a tube), splashing about with some bikini-clad girls in a jacuzzi and snugglin up on some college cuties for pictures. what is so bad about this !? i really don't get it. if he's not doing this during minicamp, or training camp or during the season, who gives a shit ? he's 25 years old and having a good time at his house. as far as anyone knows, nothing illegal went on. i guess they'd rather have him make it rain with pacman.
Continue reading Party On, Dude !…

    By Murph
    April 1st, 2008 at 1:43 am

hey there, loyal TDL readers.  I'm back after passing by the spot of the infamous "caca box" incident for the first time since said infamous incident. as i sit here, on my fifth, no sixth,(shitty at math am i) bottle of beer, alternating bettween Nastro Azurro, a fine italian import, and LandShark Lager, brewed by your friend and mine, jimmy buffett, i had an epiphany. yes a genuine epiphany. not the kind tacos has, where he realizes that ms hooters florida is hotter than ms hooters georgia, who five minutes earlier was the hottest "ms hooters" that he'd ever seen. i'm talkin a serious revalation.

see we here at TDL tend to keep it kinda lowbrow. we talk about sports, boobies, stupid shit that befalls us, fantasies of sex-crazed jungle queens, under the radar hotties, dumb criminals and other such manly stuff. i realized that we needed more intellectual fare. i realized this as i was staring at my bookcase. then, like a thunderbolt thrown from the hand of zeus himself, the idea struck me. we need a recurring column about books that our readers should pick up and read for themselves when they're not reading TDL. now i know, the little time that they have to read they spend reading maxim or some other lad mag, bit there are some spare minutes to read something of actual knowledge or literary value.
Continue reading Book of the Week, Month, Year, Whatever You Illiterate Freaks Can Manage….

    By Murph
    March 27th, 2008 at 1:29 am

ok, fellow insomniacs… here during late night at TDL, I, the resident night owl will be bringing you articles on subjects some would dare label as unsavory and not fit for public comsumption. well we all know what i say to the moral police.  i say damn you sir, damn you and all your self-righteous posturing and pontificating. if we here at TDL offend your tender sensibilities, then i simply say this "tough noogies". sometimes dudes encounter things in life that some would describe as "salty" or "vile". these things cannot be swept under the rug. no no, these things will be discussed here, after all, we are a man's blog.

tonights article focues on what must be the skankiest town on earth, that of tampa, florida. if i offend any of the residents of tampa by designating it as such, then so be it. your city is making news for all the wrong reasons. in addition to being muggy as all get out, filled with bugs of incredible size, scene of about a combined week of the worst days of the dude's life, and home to ybor city, apparently tampa is now the official home of sex fiending teachers, as well as having more strip joints per block than any other US city, as well as an IHOP where the owner of the new york yankees would make multimillion dollar decisions over some hotcakes and bacon.
Continue reading The Skankiest Place On Earth…

    By Murph
    March 22nd, 2008 at 9:37 pm

so its a sat night, and that, for me, means that there is some form of boxing on calble tv. I'm a boxing fan, and I've often wondered how these guys get into that line of work. Lets face it, its a job in which somebody is trying to kick your ass, so it's not the safest of professions. Got me thinking about all the odd jobs out there that people engage in. Boxing has a big payoff if you;re good, so i get it. Seeing as how there are many odd jobs out there, this may become a srial column here at The Dude's Life.  Tonight i ponder the fate of a very odd job, that of the proctologist.A proctologist is, for lack of a better term, is an ass doctor. The deal with the ass, and all medical maladies conatined therein.  How does one get into that specialty?  I mean you go to college, bust your hump to get into med school, which isnt like getting into law school, i mean med school won't just take anyone after all. Its hard, and then you go thru four years of med school, do your internship and reisdency, and you choose to be an ass doctor ? Come on man, did you piss someone off ? bang the head of the hospital's daughter or something?  I mean, a foot doctor i can see, but an ass doctor? lookin at 'roids and busted up cornholes all day? seriously ? half a mil in education to scrape thru crusted poop to see if someones got somethin wrong with their tush-pipe? I know that they spot cancer and thats good stuff, but other than that, i mean who wants to spend every day bustin out the anal probe right after their morning coffee? I cant even imagine that day. You show up, your patients come in, and they get up there and spread the cheeks. That can't be pleasant, b/c I doubt that many of them are porn-quality. And by porn quality i mean those butts aren't a) tight and firm, b)shaved down, and c) cleaned to where they can be on camera.  You must never know what you're going to get when john q. citizen  off the street drops his or her drawers.   I can't even imagine what a proctologist sees. He must get in there and be confronted with crazy crack-fur, dingleberries, some poo-remnants, not to mention the roids, zits, and the stank. I'm sure that some even get farted and even pooped on by their patients.  I cant even imagine what how a doctor could deal with that all day long. I really dont get it.  The money must be great, b/c i couldnt deal with that. The human anus isnt the prettiest thing on the planet, and they wade right in and get down in there, day in, day out.  I dont even look at my own cornhole in the mirror b.c i'm afrauid of what i'll see, so i cant even imagine looking at anybody else's for a living.  any thoughts on this would be appreciated by our readers…..

    By Murph
    March 18th, 2008 at 10:23 pm

Alright dudes, i continue my frenzy of activity here at TDL with an article on something heinous. That which we fear like nothing else. Give us Sasquatch, the Loch Ness Monster, a fire breathing dragon, Jaws, Roger Clemens when hes all roided up…. we'd fight them all rather than face this  beast at some point in our lives. What is this vile creature, what could strike fear into all dudes, yours truly included ?  It is the dastardly entity known as "The Cleanout".

Whats awful about "The Cleanout" is that it strkies antime, anywhere, without warning.  Dudes can't see it coming.  It just happens to them….one day, things are going along swimmingly, then bam ! a stranger knocks at your door, says "you got served"(not the awful movie, though its just as bad), and you can envision half your money and half of your shit going out the door.
Continue reading The Worst…

    By Murph
    March 16th, 2008 at 10:18 pm

alritey, loyal TDL readers, I have returned.  I am soldiering on, trudging forward, fighting the good fight, etc etc., trying to keep this blog alive, performing cpr on it even though the body has already begun to decay.  I shan't give up hope that this blog will become a huge hit on the innerweb, i shan't ! 

                     I have a story that i think all dudes and dudettes can relate to, s it is one born of an activity common to us all, that of driving our nation's highways. Putting ourselves in our vehicles on a stretch of super-fast federal pavement and driving like maniacs, b/c we go where we wanna go, and thats just how it is in this country.  We all have our driving stories, some about crazy ass gas in a toyota tercel with 9 people jammed in for 1000 miles, we've all hit the backwoods gas staion where the numbers on the pumps are still the plastic rotating dials whose "store" is manned by a one eyed fellow named Cap'n who hands you the bathroom key attached to some piece of wood which you swear has bloodstains on it, we've all been stranded on the side of the road when the tire on the tow-trailer of the moving truck they rented from ryder blew out about 2 miles from the Florida border on I-10, and randall the portable tire man comes by and says "son, they shouldn't have even let you drive with that thing" as you were parked in the Escambia county welocme center parking lot at 2 in the afternoon with the sun beating down on you on May 27th, 2001. Stuff that happens to everyone.  Well this isn't one of those stories, mi amigos. Oh no. This is a story straight from the "this shit only happens to me" zone.
Continue reading A Day In the Life: Poop On the Highway…

    By Murph
    July 16th, 2007 at 2:39 pm

the dog days of summer got you down ?….. nothing to watch on tv with every real show in reruns ?….sports fan but stuck watching the marlins ?…..tired of watching roger federer destroy every other tennis player on the planet ?…..sick of the constant espn slurping of tiger woods ?…..well fellow dudes, i have two great vh1 shows that you have got to watch : Rock Of Love, and Scott Baio is 45..And Single.

Rock Of Love is the story of a rock n roll guy, bret micheals, and his quest, at the age of 40-something, to finally find true love. He went on vh1 to do this, so his seriousness is definitely not in question.  Micheals, if you dont know, is or was, the lead singer of an 80's hair band, Poison, who had such memorable songs as "talk dirty to me", and "every rose has its thorn"…he had big hair and apparently a bigger sex drive, for he claims to have shagged many a groupie, steadily, from the 80s til this very day.  he parties constantly, appears to drink like a fish, and will apparently bone anything that walks and is female. 
Continue reading Murph's TV Picks…….

    By Murph
    July 6th, 2007 at 5:36 pm

ok, nba defenders, i want you to step up to the plate. seriously, i do. why you ask ?…because once again, your league has made the news, not for free agent signings, which are reported and then quickly fade into the sports abyss, but because kobe bryant has reared his increasingly ugly head. again. no, he really has.  i'm not kidding. yes it is possible. no even i didnt that it was. but it happened

honestly, the guy cant fuckin bear to be out of the news for a week, he really can't. now his latest trick to get attention is to go and "apologize" to the gm he basically said blew nuts to some guys outside a shopping center a while back, AND, he had to go and tell the world that he apologized, b/c we just HAD to know about this b/c damn it, it concerns kobe, therefore it must be important.  what sort of apology was this i wonder?…i mean honestly, they brought on an analyst to figure out what this means with regards to his earlier rantings….imagine that, the biggest news your leagus has to offer are the compariosns of the rantings of a alleged sex offender ! and the commissioner loves it !  
Continue reading seriously…….